V is for Vagenda (Part 3 - Faith)

V is for Vagenda (Part 3 - Faith)

We hold on to hope like it is a candle at the end of the tunnel promising freedom from the darkness around us. We hold on to our heroes for inspiration, to find the strength of body and will to get there. What keeps us going when those heroes turn on us, a gentle wind blowing that candle out?

Faith

We were teleported to a roof-top surrounded by Brainiac drones. I have never been here, there was no briefing other than what Oracle had to say over the communicator when we landed. I should be terrified by the laser fire, explosions, shrapnel... it is my 5th mission in a group. No one knows, and I don't want to admit it - I need everyone confident. It is the least I can do for the confidence he gives me being in the group.

He's is like a reckless cowboy, unstoppable. I know everything will be ok - such power. I don't say much - I'm so much weaker and maybe not worthy to be here - best not to draw attention to that. I don't know the rest of the team as well, but they seem to be on his level, which only inspires me more. How much healing can they need, anyway - nothing stands long enough to hurt them! It is amazing... Even the intimidation factor seeing Sub-Prime Regulator Alpha quickly evaporates as he is destroyed in mere seconds.

Soon I'm surrounded by Brainiac Subjugators and an Accumulator who fire as if they were one and I'm dead. I spawn back at the original building we were teleported to and I make haste to rejoin the group, but I get sucked down out of the sky by more Subjugators by the building that have come and am killed again. I can't give up - I need to try again, but it is no use, and I seem to fail with greater ease each time... my gear! Repairs and confidence restored, only to be crushed again in swift humiliation. This can't be happening! An eternity of repairs and my resources are exhausted. I swallow my pride and begin to beg for some assistance... It is so embarrassing - now they will know how weak I am...

After another half an hour they don't answer, or seem to notice I'm not with them. I continue to bleed all over the same killing floor unwilling to give in, but it seems to be futile. What is more embarrassing, being so weak I can't get past this, or so weak and inconsequential they haven't even noticed I'm gone? Is the channel even working? The tank speaks up, so someone hears me... Of all people to fail in front of, OMG. I am a living, breathing, utter and complete disgrace. Why won't anyone else answer me and why is the only chatter on the com about new pulling powers??? They sound like jet pilots from Top Gun with new toys!

Broken and ashamed, I confess my defeat and inability to further assist and teleport back to Watchtower.

The worst thing about pain killers is losing that intimate connection to your body. I depend on it more than most do. I have a secret. Superman can see it, and Batman figured it out on his own. Consciousness fading in and out. At one point, I can see faint colors blurred in a pretty fuzzy cloud as I hear Batman and Superman arguing...

"... stubborn ... ethical...", I don't make it all out yet. "... we don't get to decide who lives and dies, and it isn't our business to procure the volunteered suicide of children!" Batman scowls...

"We are not deciding, she is. Whether she is with us or not, the end for her is the same. She isn't a child, she's a mother, and ... she's awake." Batman gets so angry when Superman gets the final word in when they get like this.

Bru... I mean Batman... walks up to me and takes my hand "stay still, don't get up V", then he looks at Superman. "Maybe it doesn't have to end like this for her." I think I faded out again- - the next time I open my eyes ... they are both gone.

I know he means well. I'll accept a miracle, but I'm not waiting for it to just happen.

I put on my iPod - yes, an iPod - not an iPhone. I need to clear my head as it spins in the chemical mind-numbing concoction coursing my bloodlines. An indie song no one knows calms me down:

---------------
She dance's on moonlight
In her I confide
Her lips have a healing power
Her names Suicide

My life feels much better - under the gun
My blood stains - under the gun
My minds been burned to a cinder - under the sun
Death seems warm and tender...

Her latent seduction
Fills my empty soul
She comforts my pain until again
We're out of control

My life feels much better - under the gun
My blood stains - under the gun
My minds been burned to a cinder - under the sun
Death seems warm and tender...
---------------

It is such a relaxing song without the words, and the solo makes me think of Eric Clapton if he jammed with Kurt Cobain on the MTV Unplugged album, but the lyrics are the draw. I focus on my breathing and remember that no matter what happens in life, I always have control of my destiny. I know it sounds morbid, but mortality is the one thing we all fear. I draw strength from it. I have a secret.

The song is almost over when Raiden and Mistycal contact me to see if I am ok. I let them know I will be OK, but have no idea how long I was in the infirmary. Raiden reveals I'm not in the infirmary, that's why they are contacting me on the communicator and not visiting. I didn't realize I was actually in isolation...

I can't stay down like this I have to...

I crash on the floor as a nurse races, in hysterics, to get my body horizontal on the bed where I need to be. I try to fight it but then the warm rush comes down my right arm - no - not the sedati...

Blackness...