V is for Vagenda (Part 18 - Resolute)

V is for Vagenda (Part 18 - Resolute)

I am feeling shaken inside. Somehow I went from a normal little girl, to an alias hiding from my brothers fame, to Superhero that somehow no longer knows how to feel comfortable outside of a league. How did that happen?

I have had my fair share of side missions and issues, training that helps us track our skill and progress with meaningful metrics, counseling with Black Canary - but through most of it I had the sense of belonging when I came home to the league. Fearless Legion, Grey Wardens, Justice Girls, and somehow I find myself alone again.

I analyze my situation. What was the chronological order of things that happened? How could one feel about these things? Of the options, what option best resembles who I want to be?

I choose. I choose not to be shaken or upset at being alone. I fly around the watchtower unaffiliated. How hard could it be to find a home anyway. I'm a CR57 healer whose Restoration charts at 1597 right now. I am confident. I choose to be confident. I choose to be

RESOLUTE

The moment I stop buzzing about, content and decided, I find myself on the catwalk above the mailroom in the main hub at Watchtower. I smile and lean on the railing watching Earth, when I get tapped on my shoulder.

"Excuse me, but aren't you Vagenda? You are that healer, I mean - right?" the man says smiling at me.

Oh my god - I suddenly feel like I have a tiny taste of notoriety. Is he going to ask me for an autograph? What exactly is going on here - where is this going? Is this how Slash feels entering pretty much every conversation he has with strangers? I clear my throat and stand up straight, extent my hand to him to shake his, and smile "Why yes! Yes I am Vagenda - that healer!", and laugh not sure yet what to think.

Like an excited kid on Christmas, his eyes light up "Awesome! Look, we are about to go on a mission and we really need someone that can heal. If you are not busy, would you - I mean - ...”

"Of course, let's go" I answer cutting him off. I feel flattered he would get flustered over me, and I love flattery! I'm so awful but right about now, it feels so good.

He temporarily gets my comm linked to his groups comm, and enthusiastically proclaims who he "managed to get as a healer!", as I turn red. I get quickly introduced to the other 6 guys - then finally introduced himself as Captain Liberty. I'm now twice impressed with his behavior - he is already flattering, positive, energetic, but I see in how he introduced himself last that he is also a gentleman.

We end up fighting through some ice caverns and I feel something I never felt before. I suddenly feel like I'm among people that have expectations already set on how well I am going to do. I need to do my best, be precise, be decisive, be focused - I need to make sure I live up or exceed this hype. The pressure to perform - it is so alien. I'm not sure if I am flattered or intimidated by it, but this is no time for hesitations or doubts.

For the next hour, I heal my ass off, and although I can't reveal everything about this mission, I can say this. Krpyto is so cute!

I feel so relieved when it is over. I don't think I ever faced a single harder mission, but at the same time, I don't think I seen a team come together quite as effectively as this one had today. I know deep in my heart as I look around at these strangers, that I am deeply impressed.

Suddenly, I get flooded with questions about my abilities and my training stats. At first I'm worried I hadn't lived up to this hype, or to their standards - but soon, a guy named Alphanoid comes over the comm telling me how he had just heard I did this mission with Captain Liberty and his team and amazed everyone.

I can't hide the smile on my face. Captain Liberty cuts in on the comm and introduces me to Alphanoid formally, letting me know that he is their Leagues Second In Command. Immediately, Alphanoid asks Captain Liberty to take me over to the Magic Wing in the Watchtower to have a face to face meet with him and The Bloodwing, the leagues leader.

I feel like a rock star!

I feel like a rock star right up until Alphanoid gets a good look at me, walking around me as the light in the Magic Wing Centerpiece envelopes me in wasps of patterned holography, and says "she's orange."

"Orange?!!! I'm Pink!" I yell right back at him.

"Nope - definitely Orange..." he says deciding to rile me up more.

"It's this light, I'm telling you, you better watch it - I spent three hours perfecting 3 pinks that work well together" I say back.

"Those three shades of Orange work well together, that must have been hard" Alphanoid further instigates.

"Come a little closer, I got your orange right here!" I say ready to drop this guy now.

The Bloodwing suddenly steps between us facing me, holding a hand back over Alphanoids mouth, smiling, declaring "She's fiery! I like her! Hey, are you in a league right now?"

Impressed that suddenly I feel like a rock star again, I smile, and my hand raises off of my rifle. "As a matter of fact, I've recently become a free agent" I smile back.

"Why don't you join ours?" The Bloodwing asks with a sly smile, almost flirting.

"Well, I dunno - I mean - are you guys cool? Are you guys any fun to be around?" I smile back, almost flirting back.

"We are the coolest, come on, let's show her around, show her how fun we can be." The Bloodwing says.

They take me back to the League Lair. It is the first lair that distinctly reminds me of a blues bar full of misfits and rebels - the range between their personalities and costumes is staggering. I'm used to "birds of a feather stick together" results in league memberships, but there was almost nothing in common between them other than the fact that they are heroes and in the same League. A least half speak English as a second language - but do it well. Some are cold and efficient, others wild and unstable - yet somehow they all get along. So many times, I wait for something to randomly explode - the interpersonal chemistry shouldn't work but it does brilliantly.

They called themselves NextGenHeroes.

I take a seat with The Bloodwing, Alphanoid, Captain Liberty, Silver Fyre, Cosmic War, Stabillo, Another Pacifist, and a cast of characters like no other. They wanted to show me a good time, and that is exactly what they did! I'm not sure what was in the drinks, but the last thing I remember was a lot of them going out and coming back in pink clothing trying their hardest to dress up like a ... well, ummm...

Like me!

Naturally, I had someone take some great pictures of The Bloodwing and Alphanoid dressed up like big male versions of me and posing for a lot of pictures.

Naturally, I remember telling them that they had no fears of anyone seeing these pictures until I was ready to blackmail them over something someday. If only you could have seen them...

More importantly than the antics - by the end of the night, I had a new sense of adventure, and a new sense of home.