V is for Vagenda (Part 12 - Peachy)

V is for Vagenda (Part 12 - Peachy) 

 

Black Canary sits calmly across the coffee table from me. I feel unnerved. Shaken. Like if I felt a breeze that was strong enough, I may flake apart like leaves falling from a tree in Autumn. I'm not on trial, but I feel like I should be. I would feel tired of being a victimized pawn, if I hadn't done do much damage as it is.

"How do you feel, right now Vagenda" asks Black Canary clinically.

PEACHY

"I'm good - I'm fine. Just peachy... not to be confused with fruity" I say trying to put on a smile and cope. The gravity in the room almost immediately reminds me that perhaps levity is inappropriate right now. I avert my eyes awkwardly to the floor.

"V, I want to try hypnotic therapy on you right now. I want to revisit the past few weeks and see if we can help you retrace your steps, and fill in your missing time. With your permission, I will ask J'onn to assist searching your mind while I help induce you into a hypnotic state. This is the second time you have lost time this month and we need to find out what is going on any way that we can. Do you understand?" she asks as J'onn comes into the room.

"Let's begin" I say laying down on her couch. Maybe with answers, I can make peace. I close my eyes as Black Canary starts verbally guiding me through deep breathing exercises and relaxation techniques so that my mind is calm and open for J'onn. My sense of the moment fades away as I begin to feel his presence exploring. I let go. I trust them completely. It is the least I can do.

I feel like a tourist transported through my own memories as J'onn reads through them. I've never experienced them so vividly - the attention to detail is staggering. I think to myself "Is he filling in gaps, or is this level of detail really in my head waiting to be tapped upon?"

"This imagery is completely from your own mind" the voice of J'onn responds.

"Wait? We can talk in here?" I say suddenly caught off guard.

"We are in your mind. Naturally we can communicate if you would prefer." J'onn says, as he pulls up images of a mission from a month ago. I'm at the Ferris Aircraft base in Coast City. Baretta Vixen, Jan El, and Super Power are with me. It was my first mission since I joined the Justice Girls league. Super Power led us to a hard fought victory over Amon Sur, Kyle Raynor, and Atrocitus. Everyone else left, and I'm looking for something... a box.

"J'onn I don't remember this. I remember the mission. I remember winning. Didn't I leave with them?" I ask as the playback of events takes me to a hanger, I go to take a corner around it and the world is missing from that point on - just a white void expanding onward from that point in the universe. "J'onn what is this? What is going on here?"

"Your memory has been erased. But it can never be completely erased. Please have patience and try to imagine yourself here in this time. Focus and I will do the rest." J'onn says confidently.

I feel like I am staring at this white out in space and time for hours as it starts to suddenly flicker. He's doing it. He is finding pieces, fragments - something is coming back together. the background begins to take a silhouetted shape and a figure emerges standing by the box I was looking for. I stare harder at the shape - when suddenly I see me cast backwards at the words "Forget!" OMG - the figure - it's Psimon!

I lay on the ground and a truck pulls out of the hangar. Lex Luthor walks out and gives orders to men setting up a mobile containment unit, as others pull my body onto a collapsed gurney, strapping me down, pulling the gurney upright and wheeling me into the portable containment cell. I ... I was trapped by Lex and Psimon?

I get an unsettling feeling in my stomach. I feel no ill will toward Lex for doing this. Any sense of retribution one may have had suffering such a thing has already been overpaid - that part I do remember. Suddenly, I'm startled as J'onn says "please focus, we will get to that".

Lex's crew operates with extreme precision as the images fade away. "J'onn, what is going on? Where is everything going?"

"This is all that exists of this time in your mind. You were fully unaware after this point so there is no memory to extrapolate from" J'onn explains, but soon - a new image emerges. I am in a much larger spherical room sealed in layers of ceramics that I can see surrounding me. A man is standing over me, taking off various restraints and leads from medical equipment. I can hear Lex Luthor's screams abruptly coming to a halt, and the voice of Gentleman Ghost and laughter - that laughter... I get a really sick feeling and a really bad shiver up my spine just hearing that laughter - Klarion. I don't understand what is going on. How did they fit into the plans of Lex and Psimon? They must - I had attacked them also... my mind starts drifting reflecting on that, and feeling intense guilt and embarrassment as J'onn cuts in reminding me that he needs my focus on that moment.

I try to concentrate. The face over me is the only thing that won't come into focus - Klarion makes a passing reference to their "third chair" and suddenly I am in my room. Wait, in my room? "J'onn, something is wrong. I'm in my room in the watchtower asleep. Did I do something wrong?" I look down at me sleeping, no sign that I hadn't been there for hours are indicated by looking around the room, or by examining the bed sheets tightly wrapped around me. Even my hat is on the bedside table where I would normally have placed it going to bed.

"I will explain" J'onn says, reassuringly as suddenly he shares some moments from his own memory with me, showing me the concern and efforts made to find me while I was missing, and the moments he spent with Batman when I was teleported into my room suddenly, connecting me in his mind to the scene I now stare at from mine. So much care - so much love - I had no idea.

We skip ahead past the next few days of tests and investigations that followed my return to the Watchtower as everyone seeks answers for my first lapse in time and makes sure I am OK. The events go by as if J'onn hit fast forward. "J'onn what are you looking for?"

"At some point in time you had a change in your physiology. Perhaps sensing when the change took place will shed light on how it took place." J'onn's thought process is going at a speed I cannot process as he analyzes my experiences, as they play out at a speed hard for even me to follow. Every waking moment, every dream, every shower, every meal, every time I so much as brushed my teeth or sneezed. Finally he stops in the middle of my third mission I was on after getting my medical clearance. We were in Oolong, although I later started calling it "Toolong" because it took us so long to complete the objective. I blamed it on the fact we were shorthanded, and decided I needed to switch to an attack posture - I didn't have time to heal if we were ever going to finish. It was so clear now. We were not shorthanded or taking forever to make progress. I was losing my temper, and patience. I lost composure. Something in me started saying kill instead of heal - and I didn't notice the impulse yet, but J'onn was right.

"J'onn, this was the beginning, wasn't it" I ask watching me visually falling into an increasingly aggressive state. He doesn't answer, but I feel a sense of acknowledgement knowing he agrees.

Within four missions, I was a concern to enough people that a retreat to de-stress had been recommended. Black Canary thought it might be therapeutic if I went on a two week retreat with Zatana in the mountains to hone my spell crafting and get in touch with my sorcery, since it was my mantra - my spiritual center. It was the source of my healing. Maybe focusing on my passion for life will quell my arising passion for destruction.

The imagery now depicts a dark night sky under a full moon. There are no clouds, and we are in the mountains hundreds of miles from civilization. The stars are spectacular over the vista of evergreen trees. We are staying in a wildlife retreat protected by a community of practicing monks. A coyote howls in the distance as everyone sleeps. Suddenly, J'onn witnesses a command I respond to in the dream I'm having that snaps myself into consciousness. Another memory I don't recall. Am I sleepwalking? I walk into a house of worship to the alter, there is a locked vault behind a small red curtain inside a shrine. My eyes become luminescent and the vault opens. A book opens, hovering in front of me, skipping through pages swiftly to the end where a lock within the book prevents the page from turning. It is surreal watching myself go through this. I am getting scared as my eyes get brighter.

"J'onn am I am doing something bad?" I asked nervously. Runic symbols now scrolling over the light in my eyes, just a fraction on a millimeter above them. The lock opens. J'onn, again not responding, I feel he is confused by a misplaced presence. The page turns, and one mystery is solved as another flips into view. A red light, like a Circle Of Protection spell, but vertical, and wrapping slowly around me cylindrically, forms in the room - cast from the hand of Dr. Fate as I begin reading the page in front of me over and over again silently. I can't make out what it says, even with J'onn's help.

"Fate is satisfied" declares Dr. Fate, as he turns his attention away from Vagenda and mysteriously exits the room. As the Circle expires, the page returns, the lock appears, and I watch myself meticulously return the items touched to their original state. The light fades from my eyes, returning to normal, as I appear to sleep walk back to my log cabin. No one in camp seemed to be aware my night was disturbed, but animals in the forest nearby watch with interest as I walk back.

"There is another force at work. Though we did not know about a third lapse in your memory between the other two, this incident is unrelated to the change we felt in your physiology. I will need consult on what this may mean." J'onn says, furthering his exploration of my mind without further hesitation, maintaining professional efficiency.

I start to feel anxiety knowing where we are heading to next.

The retreat seemed a success, temporarily, and I was relaxing in my chambers. I was practicing some yoga in my room, stances that encourage calm - techniques taught to me by the monks back at the Buddhayana Forest Retreat, my laptop still showing the website for http://buddhayana.ns.ca/picpage_buddhayana.htm, in hopes that the imagery will help me recall the calm I discovered there. I became restless and went for a walk around the watchtower. I needed to talk to my mentor soon, but was happy to stroll. I wasn't given clearance yet to get back into action with the Justice Girls, so I was just living vicariously off the between mission chatter on the comm.

The next part I remember all too well. I stumbled upon a broken teleporter in the Watchtower's Meta Wing. It was powered up, but the designated destination was unhelpful. It just said "Step Through Teleporter Rift". I shrugged my shoulders, thinking it might be fun to have an adventure to break this pedestrian lifestyle. I activated it, but I was in no way prepared for what came.

"Vagenda, please try not to focus on your guilt surrounding these events. It is intense, and clouding my ability to construct events" J'onn echoes to me as I stare around the Hall of Doom. "Something about this place, perhaps a proximity, has just intensely elevated your will toward violence." he exclaims.

Reliving it, I feel the anger beginning to seethe from my body as I watch myself looking around, with no bearing. Suddenly, Oracle is on the comm confirming my fears, then I hit a panic state as she tells me that Lex has Superman here. I have trouble watching as my face tightens, clenching my teeth. The version of myself I am watching relive these events has no idea about Lex abducting me, but him hurting my mentor is suddenly enough to enrage me. I know I should call for help - I know that I really am not ready to carry the responsibility alone. This is so important. Superman is the cornerstone of the entire Justice League of America. I'm just a peculiar healer from Justice Girls. But I can't stop, and anger makes me recklessly jump into action. I start killing anything that moves, be it robot, Metallo, some upstart that claims to have heard of me, then I hear Lex.

"Comfortable in your Kryptonite cage, Superman? No? Good! I hate to think that you’re enjoying hearing that I, Lex Luthor, will now take my rightful place as the ultimate savior of this planet. Once I crack the secret of the Exobytes, I will defeat Brainiac, and then no one will stand in my way. OH, look, the.... cavalry has arrived... such as it is. THIS will be quick", Lex's words dripping with arrogance and sarcasm. Combined with the sight of Superman trapped and in anguish, I snap.

In my conscious memory, I remember seeing Lex fade into a black silhouette as the room turned red around him, and waking to the aftermath, but with J'onn's help, I relive he horror as if re-mastered in High Definition. Something here amplifying my rage and my power, I call upon Arbiter of Destruction and use Circle Of Protection, Circle Of Destruction, Soul Well, Karmic Backlash, Transmutation, and Vengeance in rapid succession, then as Arbiter wears off, I pummel Lex over and over with combinations brawling, cracking his armor apart, chipping it off piece by piece. His arrogance turns to panic he hits a button on his left arm that frees Superman just before I rip it off his arm, breaking his arm in the process. I punch a hole in the compromised chest piece, and break a rib, and feel the more I do, the more I must do. I'm possessed, and can't stop as he begs for his pathetic life. I wrench off the helmet, cutting a gash in his face as it breaks free and pull my right back for a final blow as Superman catches me by the wrist.

"ENOUGH!" he screams at me, as I move in a motion of instant reflex, reaching with my left hand to his wrist, and throwing Superman over my shoulder and through the wall behind Lex.

I stand, shocked. I'm horrified. What have I done! Lex, pulling himself away by one arm, is screaming "She's crazy - save me Superman!"

Logic takes hold of me, but I stand there, pulsating with rage inside. I hold my arms out and stare at each hand, one at a time. They don't feel like me. Are these even mine? I heat is still burning inside me, and it is all I can do to stay still a moment. Crying, I try to remember the monks. I need to be calm. I need to save Superman, not attack him.

I go toward Superman as Lex rolls over cringing, assuming I'm moving for him. I tell Superman I'm sorry and scream for Oracle to beam us out of there. He's been weakened by Kryptonite - who knows what damage I did. I'm a healer - what is wrong with me.

As we beam away from wreckage, my memories again converge with what J'onn was able to extrapolate from my mind.

J'onn senses my anxiety and mental fatigue and asks if I need to take a break. All I can think of is the deep sense of obligation I have to help redeem myself from the mistakes I've made. Would Superman take a break? Forgetting J'onn can still hear my thoughts as I consider his offer, he touches my head "Then let's move on to the section we used to refer to as your second lapse." The mystery here surrounded the fact that when Oracle had beamed Superman and I to the infirmary, only Superman arrived. There were several minutes of panic and clamor as the Med Techs set about to attending the injured icon before Oracle was able to successfully alert anyone that I was missing!

I have no memory of what happened to me after the teleportation beam faded all I could see into whiteness, and waking in my room an hour later. We concentrate as the memory of holding Superman up fades away. This is the same white endlessness that had surrounded the other side of the hangar in Coast City, but this time, it expanded everywhere, in all directions.

The faint trace of a voice... I don't know this voice. I can't hear what it says but it is repeating something as J'onn digs deeper reconstructing fragments deeply scattered throughout my hippocampus. An eternity of focus once again, and J'onn succeeds.

"I'm not done playing with you yet. Let's see how my rage incantation unfolds if you have a moment to realize the three sorcerers who have been toying with you, child." speaks the omnipotent sounding voice of Circe. I am at her command, as she teleports me into the nether regions where they are watching, caught off guard by this twist. My instructions were simple enough.

1. Go to the power of three
2. Know what I know about what they've been doing to you throughout your life.
3. Do your worst
4. Go home
5. Forget

I materialize. I stand enraged on one side of the cauldron, three thrones on the others side. Klarion, patting his familiar, stands alongside Gentleman Ghost and a figure from the third chair. We can not make the person out in the imagery despite J'onn's best efforts. Klarion goes to send me away, but before he can wave his hand, Dr. Fate appears behind me and glowing ankh's surrounds them, making them hesitate long enough for what came next. My arms, trembling to each side - my hair rising, eyes lighting up, runes over them scrolling past, as I chant an incantation. Dr. Fate declares "Fate has spoken" and touches my head just before he disappears. Intense fear grips Klarion and Gentleman Ghost as the the man from the third chair vanishes. I see myself flicker in and out of existence for a moment as well.

A voice not belonging to me, sounding more like that of Dr. Fate emerges from my lips. "Judgment has been passed, and sentences rendered. Klarion and Gentleman Ghost - your history has been edited rendering your relevance in this universe to a diminished state. Your friend, a chair remains as the only means you have to know he once was at all."

Circe grips the crystal ball as she observes these unexpected results. She never imagined consequences like this. Incorrectly assuming she is safe in the Hall of Doom, she speaks allowed "The Forbidden Book" and covers her mouth, as the utterance suddenly has Vagenda staring through the crystal ball to her, making eye contact - impossible.

"You are next". Circe quickly casts an incantation that releases me from my spell, causing me incredible disorientation as I return to normal. Quickly, she tries to erase my mind and plant me back in my room to protect herself.

J'onn pulls away horrified about what had taken place. To injure is against my healing code. To kill, villainous. To be completely wiped from existence... What had the man in the third chair done to me to have the hands of Fate sanction such a judgment? I felt bad enough about Superman, but now I truly need counseling.

It is inconceivable. To have once existed, and the universe unanimously not remember you. Even as this story is recorded, we can not recall who it was...

================
Meanwhile, back in the Hall of Doom...

Klarion and Gentleman Ghost appear before Circe. She assumes an immediate attack posture assuming they are coming for revenge. After all, it was her meddling that derailed their plan earlier that week, resulting in such unimaginably unforeseen consequences.

Klarion's familiar leapt from his arms. While in the air, he transforms into a Lion landing on Circe, pinning her to the ground. She struggles helplessly against Teekl’s mass.

Gentleman Ghost announces "be calm, though to me you are a mere vagabond and meddler, you have skills I require. We still have a plan to carry out, and suddenly, it seems we have a third chair to fill."